I am Bang, and Hsien is my older brother. We are only a year apart in age.

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From a young age, Hsien showed remarkable talent in drawing, and our home was filled with his art awards and certificates. I was always envious, and in my early years, I saw him as a lifelong rival.

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He lost contact with our family for three years. Later, I learned that during those three years, he had been working as a laborer in Taoyuan, through recommendations from friends.

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Unfortunately, he suffered both mentally and physically due to illness.

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One day, after stopping his medication for three days, Hsien called me.

"Bang, just a while ago, when I was in the restroom, suddenly my spine started shivering. Everything went pitch black before my eyes, and I felt like I was dying. This sensation lasted for about ten minutes. Then, I started hearing ringing in my ears. I waved my hand in front of my eyes, but I couldn’t see anything. After a while, a beam of light appeared, gradually growing brighter, and only then did I begin to see my fingers.”

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Hsien continued, "I felt like I came back to life."

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I asked, "Besides taking medication, do you want to try doing things you love, like writing scripts, articles, boxing, meditation, or something?"

Hsien replied, "Living."

I asked, "What?"

He said, "Right now, I just want to live. Living is so painful."

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This statement made me release all the jealousy and competition I had felt toward him. I asked him, "Hsien, can I photograph your life?"

He responded, "Sure."

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Is it illness that leads to the decay of life, or the decay of life that causes illness? What are the forces and reasons that pushed us, as brothers, into entirely different adult worlds? Through photographing Hsien, I aim to understand these complex questions.